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Don't even blink.

"Hold it.  Focus.  Don't even move, don't even blink your eye.  You might lose concentration."

  I've been doing yoga a few times a week.  The instructor talks about concentration, focussing on our postures, thinking deeply about what's going on in our bodies and not letting our mind wander.  I find myself trying to apply this 'mantra' (if I'm allowed to call it that) to other aspects of my life.  Most specifically during my times alone.

  Lately I've been thinking about the obstacles in my life, the things that have kept me from growing, or what kept me in a disconnect with God and others.  If only I was able to "focus, don't even move, don't even blink my eye" on what I truly wanted for myself, from life and from God, maybe I would have dealt with these obstacles much sooner.  If I learn to focus and think of nothing else than becoming more like Christ, wouldn't that make it easier to face situations head-on, instead of skirting around them for years and years?

 Having thought through that brings me around to the causes of the obstacles we face in life.  We all have 'mountain top' experiences in our lives.  An inspirational conference/retreat, a summer out at camp, an impacting sermon ... we're feeling awesome and want to live better and be good and not have to deal with all the crap that brings our lives to crashing halts.  But sooner or later, a couple months, or weeks, days, even hours we find ourselves right back where we started.  So what then?  How do we get out of the inevitable rut that gets us every time?  As much as it sucks having to keep dealing with the same temptations, the same addictions, the same mind-sets time and time again, ultimately God wants us to learn our lessons and bring us back to the obstacles we work around so we can work through them instead.

So we can find healing.

So we can find truth.

 "Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.  As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desire you had when you lived in ignorance.  But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: 'Be holy as I am holy.' " - 1 Peter 1:13-16

  To be honest, I don't have a cookie-cutter answer for this.  Some things we just have to surrender completely, preparing ourselves for change and setting ourselves apart from the crap of the world.  Others may need professional help ... I trust you can be the judge of that for yourself.  I'm learning how to live daily within God's grace, acknowledging my imperfections but trusting that His grace covers me.  Because He knows my heart.

Grace.  Oh boy, when I actually stop and think about the concept of "grace", my mind is completely and utterly destroyed.  I just don't get it.  Whenever I'm feeling inadequate, like a failure and a screw up, I remember the ordinary screw-ups that have been used for great things:

Moses: a murderer, a coward ... he even had a stutter.
David: a murderer, adulterer, and I'm convinced he was by-polar.
Rehab: the prostitute who sheltered the Israelite spies in Jericho.

  As he used them, healing began and they went on to do great things for their nation and for the Kingdom.  This gives me hope for the times I find myself making the same stupid mistake for the billionth time.  God's grace is enough.  He will use me in-spite of my imperfections.  Hallelujah!  Isn't that the most amazing news you've heard in your life!?  And that is 100% truth.

  So even when we fix our eyes on Jesus, even when we focus our entire being on him we will inevitably have to blink.  It's in our human nature.  And when we blink, we lose our balance.  By God's grace and infinite mercy we are able to get back up again, regain our focus and try again.  And he'll still use us to do some pretty wicked stuff.

Dang yo, I'm amped to keep on living in His grace and mercy!  If He can use Moses and David and all those dudes, what can he do with me!?

-chelsea.

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